How long have you lived here?
How long have you been afraid?
How long have you been angry?
How long have you not know what you are feeling?
How long have you been codependent?
Do you know what that means?
Are you self-aware?
Do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
Do you want a cigarette
or does someone else
and you are mistaking their thoughts and feelings as your own?
Values fluctuate. Just as your values have changed over time, so do the values of others. Accordingly, not everyone will value the same things as you, just as you no longer value certain things you used to value.
Sometimes you gotta check out before you can check in.
(...By that I mean: sometimes you have to give into what you're avoiding (feelings-fear, anger, sadness) before you can actually feel better, to feel like a complete, connected person.)
Everything is how it is, and you are your own person.
Sometimes, especially for an empathetic person, it can be easy to disconnect from yourself. To reconnect with yourself, journal. And journal only for yourself - when you mention a new person, just write their name; you already know who they are.
There's always another way to see things and interpret reality...though I know how difficult it can be to change your perception.
Why is your opinion more or less valid than someone else's?
This post is an excerpt from an extended reflection I sent to subscribers of the Cult of All Good Things. This reflection is in light of the attacks on Paris.
Will it ever get better? Not while we're alive.
The type of restructuring that needs to happen in the Middle East (or anywhere, really) will take generations born into new environments. Psychological change, while possible, is incredibly difficult and never completely perfect. The current generation of terrorists are not likely to change (maybe a few, but not many) - I mean, I once had a traumatic experience with tuna and I still can't eat it. To this very day.
So:
Should we just kill the terrorists?
What message are they trying to send?
What does it mean that I use words like "terrorist" and "they"?
To what extent am I just believing what the media tells me?
Oh how awful and complicated it all is. The only thing I can think right now is that none of this is about me. That this is a time for reflection, not within but outwards. What are the Parisians feeling? What's the perspective of the terrorists? What has brought this all about? Empathy is the word. Empathy is the thing to evoke in such situations. Otherwise, your self-absorbed opinion just makes you a narrow-minded, ignorant idiot.
Anyway, I anticipate this email has brought you down, but what's so wrong with feeling sad? Why is happiness more valued than sadness? Sadness and darkness are essential parts of what it is to be a human, and understanding that brings you one step closer to wisdom, perspective. It makes you real.
Love and Strength to You,
Amanda Kay Holstien, Sr.
To subscribe to the Cult of All Good Things and receive extended reflections and updates on my art, etc, CLICK HERE, then confirm your email address and await!
An ego is important for personal resilience, but the ego can quickly take over and get in the way of interpersonal relationships. There must be a balance of ego, for personal protection, and empathy, for relationships.
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