Welcome back, y'all!
After a long awaited hiatus, I am back with Season 2 of A Thousand Serious Moves! On this episode, I talk about fear - how my own fears have been holding me back. Accordingly, I talk about using fear as a means for transformation and growth. Enjoy!
P.S Email me! If you wanna talk about your own fears or have anything you want me to share on the podcast, please do at therapistjokes@gmail.com
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Love,
Amanda
Day 2 of my trip, and I am in Mississippi. Every time I’m in Mississippi, something weird happens. Accordingly, I find myself a little on edge tonight. Afraid of the dark, the unknown, that which presumably hides just beyond the beam of light.
Fear.
My past experiences inform my current interpretation of reality, and my interpretation of Mississippi is: shit gets weird. Look out.
I know I am safe in my cabin, so I lock myself in with a clear view of the door. Fear is funny that way, the way it dictates our behaviors and assumptions.
The reality that exists outside of my fears is: there are infinite circumstances out of my control. Worrying beyond a certain level of precaution becomes irrational, a spiraling cloud gathering all other thoughts into its vortex.
I know, rationally, there is a reality apart from the cloud of fear. Many meditation teachers call this reality, the blue sky. Our thoughts are like clouds that come, go, change over time and dissipate. We need not take our thoughts so seriously, but rather, remember the blue sky, remember a reality that exists outside of our limiting interpretations of reality.
Even if our interpretation of reality is rooted in some realness: my past experiences in Mississippi have been weird as fuck, so my survival brain reacts accordingly: protect, be aware. But I must also remember the blue sky.
I could spend my whole life living in fear, caught up in clouds that seem real, but these cloud-like thoughts are just that: coming, going, changing over time and eventually, dissipate.
I know I am safe tonight, and I’m sure I will sleep well, but there’s a lesson in the experience: our current interpretation of reality may be based on past experiences. My anxiety comes from my past weird experiences in Mississippi, and this feeling is natural, an animalistic instinct for self-preservation. However, if I were to live my whole life in fear based on two or three strange encounters, then I am just limiting myself. There exists an Infinite, big beautiful blue sky, and if I get too focused on the clouds (fear, anxiety, the need for self-preservation), then I miss out on the greatness of the present moment, and only there can one find true peace.
Good night, lovers.
By: Amanda Holstien
The future is uncertain. We can try and predict what's ahead, but change inevitably comes.
I’m sitting outside a cabin, looking at the stars, thinking about what has brought me here, and what is ahead. My boyfriend and I just broke up, and while on tour in Texas, I decided I would buy a car and go on the road. For a long time, I’ve known I wanted to buy a car and go on the road to sell my art and do comedy. I wasn’t sure how seriously to take those thoughts until it hit me a few days ago, while floating along the river in New Braunfels: what if I actually buy a car and actually go on the road? What if I actually do the things I dream about?
So many times I said to my therapist, “I just want to buy a car and go on the road,” but never really took those dreams that seriously. There are so many unknowns when you make a big decision like letting go of a relationship, buying a car, and selling most of your shit to live the life you’re passionate about. I could name so many reasons to doubt, “What if this?” “What about that?” but those doubts are not necessary truths about the world. Doubts are rooted in fear of the unknown. Doubts are rooted in fear. While fear is good for protecting us from harm, fear is also limiting; fear can also keep us from trying new things and ultimately, growth.
Often times, we take our doubts so seriously, but why should our doubts carry more weight than our hopes? “What if something goes wrong?” Well, what if something goes right? Inevitably, things will go right, and things will go wrong along the way, but one of the primary philosophies behind the way I live my life is, “What would I look back on my life and wish I had done?” I want to live my life to the fullest. I want to grow. I want to meet my potential. I want, when faced with fear, doubts, uncertainty, I have the courage to push beyond them and live life, not based on fear, but on my own terms. I accept that the future is uncertain and change is inevitable, and I persist regardless.
What's the worse that could happen?
And then what?
Often times, if you can get started, you're already halfway to your goal. Hesitation due to anxiety and fear of the unknown is a huge hinderance that is often based on inflated, inaccurate asumptions about "what's the worst that could happen." If you want to do something, try it! What's the worst that could happen?
"What If" by Shel Silverstein
Last night, while I lay thinking here,
Some Whatifs crawled inside my ear
And pranced and partied all night long
And sang their same old Whatif song:
Whatif I'm dumb in school?
Whatif they've closed the swimming pol?
Whatif I get beat up?
Whatif there's poison in my cup?
Whatif I start to cry?
Whatif I get sick and die?
Whatif I flunk that test?
Whatif green hair grows on my chest?
Whatif nobody likes me?
Whatif a bolt of lightning strikes me?
Whatif I don't grow taller?
Whatif my head starts getting smaller?
Whatif the fish won't bite?
Whatif the wind tears up my kite?
Whatif they start a war?
Whatif my parents get divorced?
Whatif the bus is late?
Whatif my teeth don't grow in straight?
Whatif I tear my pants?
Whatif I never learn to dance?
Everything seems swell, and then
The nighttime Whatifs strike again!