I’ve never considered myself a “smoker” even though I’ve been smoking casually since I was 18. At first it started out as an oral fixation to keep me from eating when I had an eating disorder. Then, smoking became something to do when I went out drinking. Or if I’d travel to Europe, it only seemed culterally respectful to smoke. And when I did standup comedy, I didn’t want to sit through an entire open mic, and smoking with other comedians outside was a way of networking. Then, when I got clean, nicotine seemed like the only thing I could have, but when I’d smoke cigarettes, it’s like what I really wanted was to get high.