Fortune and Comparison

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I have been offhandedly toying with the notion of fortune lately, specifically as I reframe a gratitude practice that works for me. Arbitrarily listing off things I possess by some shallow worldview that, compared to such and such, I have it quite well, is no longer a useful practice as I deepen the soil I till. 

The practice of comparison, while often toxic, can, in fact, be useful in terms of observing perspectives or making discerning decisions, after which it [the comparison practice] is best discarded altogether, specifically when I compare myself to you.

Back to the notion of fortune. In an unbalanced, unravelling, capitalist society, the value of unimpeded expansion is blindly gargled and gulped as if steadfastness, discipline and patience are antiquated notions at best and non-existent in most individual frameworks and new age worldviews (i.e. You are GOD and your awareness of your Godness is reflected in the accumulation of material wealth and possessions such that the more God-like you are, the more money you have in the bank).

I think a lot about restriction and slow growth due to an inescapable natal Saturn placement in my birth chart that seems to overshadow all other planetary placements…not that I’m complaining! For the astrologically unfamiliar, Saturn is the planet of restriction, boundaries, slow growth; it is the grindstone that polishes us by delaying gratification and forcing us to really work for what we’re set out for - not the most popular planet at the party, to say the least.

So when the Great Taskmaster looms over with sickle in hand, while everyone else is accumulating hearts on Instagram, how does one find some beauty without spiraling into full-blown melancholy?

A less satisfied version of myself, going along with what I’m told by people with whom I disagree, would have said something like, “Gratitude is the antidote to melancholy.” But the trick of going through the alphabet saying I’m grateful for things like Apples, Bananas and Coffee feels, frankly, stupid. Of course a gratitude practice has value given the reality of neuroplasticity and efficacy of cognitive behavioral therapy, but lately I have found a richer practice, which is to focus on fortune, specifically lesser fortunes, throughout the day.

I play with the notions of Greater Fortune and Lesser Fortune like tossing a tennis ball from one hand to the other. By Lesser Fortune, I do not mean misfortune; rather, I mean small victories, tiny treats. Greater Fortune is large-scale windfalls; these happen less often than occurrences of Lesser Fortune. Of course, someone may live in a state of Greater Fortune compared to others, but eventually that becomes the status quo regardless. So my practice lately is to focus on instances of Lesser Fortune throughout the day: a $20 bonus; a 90 minute nap in the afternoon between clients; finding an excellent stone on a morning walk. 

Sure, I have experienced great boons, but do the boons keep booning until infinity? Not when Saturn has such wisdom to teach (puts on sweater due to chill in the air)! So when I’m feeling a bit melancholic as the grindstone polishes, I focus on the small wins. Like today, I had an idea to write this! And I got to meet with my therapist. And I got a text from an old friend. It’s not an obligatory gratitude list but an awareness of blessings, small boons that appear larger the more closely I focus on them. As I write this, actually, I’m not so sure that there is a clear distinction between Greater and Lesser Fortune; perhaps, like most (all?) things, it comes down to perception. 

Just like reframing the notions of gratitude into something useful like Good Fortune and while ever long-suffering has the word suffering in it, hard work and patience bring wisdom, and I’d say one of the greatest misfortunes of all would be to grow old without growing wise, which is sure to happen without introspection.